I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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