But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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