I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
