haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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