At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
