Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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