I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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