feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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