Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
