Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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