trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
