I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
