So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
