so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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