We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
