i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
