I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
