everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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