Do you still have your period?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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