small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
