Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
