Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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