I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have aggressive nipples.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
