i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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