I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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