Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
