All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
