those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
