They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
