No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
