she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
