wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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