allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
