You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize