There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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