The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
