This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
