so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
