I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
