i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His hands were made for my vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
