Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize