theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
