hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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