Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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