Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
