is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
