come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
