She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
