My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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