I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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