I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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