Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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