I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
