absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
