I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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