god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
