Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
