You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Randomize
