did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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