Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
