Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I died a long time ago.
Come see our sink grown plant.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
