Having a random hookup so left but love u
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
