maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
