Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
