i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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