No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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