i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
