Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
